Toxic Families

Some people are toxic. They are bad to be around. 

When you are related to a toxic person, that means you have a toxic family. 
Toxic people are no fun to be around, especially when they are classmates or relatives. 
Schools have bullies and so do families. 
As we grow up and leave school, school bullies go their own way. 
But what about families with adults who are mean, or spiteful? 

As a child, your adults decide who you spend time with. 
But I have a wonderful secret to tell you.
When you are an adult, you get to decide who you will spend time with. 
And you can decide not to be in the same room with a certain person.  Ever again.

If a cousin bullies you or a grandma makes fun of you, when you become an adult, 
you can refuse to be in the same room with them, and not even go to the same party as them.

Some kids dispair because they have mean relatives, and think it will be like this the rest of their lives. 
Not true. 
Shared DNA does not guarantee kindness, nor does shared DNA eternally lock you into a harmful relationship. 

I have seen crime shows where one parent is arrested and found guilty of killing another parent. 
The kids have to decide if they will visit the killer-parent in prison. 
And I've seen crime shows where teenage girls kill their parents because they aren't allowed to date a certain boy. 

These 15 and 16 year-old girls on TV crime shows, were just 2 and 3 years away from being legal adults, 
but now these girls will spend the rest of their lives in prison, perhaps without any family to ever visit them. 
And their boyfriends dropped them, AND testified against those girlfriends that killed to be with them.  Wow.

This is one reason I wrote this second part of this website; I want to reach young people who have unhappy home-lives, 
to tell them that they can someday leave those homes and work toward a safe, useful adulthood. 

Now here is the tricky part of becoming an adult; if someone needs to get away from mean relatives: 
A lot of young adults live with relatives. 
A lot of young adults eat out of the family refrigerator. 
A lot of young adults use their family phone plan or car insurance plan. 

If the toxic person you need avoid lives in the same house as you, you may need to leave the house and be all on your own. 
This is something you need to plan, and you can’t expect anyone else to pay for up your rent, groceries, etc.  
You need to be on your own. 

This is what foster kids face when they turn 18. 
Some foster parents give the kids no slack, and the day they turn 18-out they go. 
You need to find an trusty adult to teach you how to be independent. 
(Employers should have a program to hire foster kids to help them be independent)

If the toxic person is only seen during family events, then you may be able to still live at home. 
Don’t go to family events where that person will attend. Be honest about it. You might change things for the better.

And if the adults in your house become angry about it, you may need to live elsewhere. 
Don’t be another person’s punching bag, even relatives.  (and if you marry, don't be an in-law's punching bag).

No adult is morally bound to live with, or personally care for a mean relative. Abuse is abuse. 
No caregiver should have to be abused by a relative, just because they are a relative. 

Eric J. Rose 
photo: sweepstakes.abc7ny. 
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